How Can You Be So Mean? (To Yourself)

Fat is not the equivalent of ugly.  And being called fat is not always ugly.  I think this is something that needs to be understood.  Words are words, descriptors are descriptors.  I learned long ago that words only hurt when they are said with a sharp tongue. 

I start this today inspired by some of my friends kind words and concerns regarding my first blog post.  Their feedback being astronomically inspiring towards this second entry.  As all of you, I grew up in this society where super model thin was what was beautiful and all else was not.  Let me say first, I was never born and bred to be thin...that was not in my genetic makeup and I was cool with that.  There was a time when I was more thin admittedly.  I dieted from the time I was a preteen...I used to play sports and exercise on my own on the side.  I loved fashion and beauty and even dabbled with small modeling things because...even being not stick-thin...I thought I was beautiful.  And I was.  But that's not what "they" wanted you to believe.  In societal norms, and with the sharpest swords of tongues, they lashed out that regardless of my beauty, I was not good enough.

So, let's get back on track...I may call myself chubby or pudgey or any other similar silly sounding names, but, you see, that doesn't equate to me being less of a person or less beautiful.  In fact, this is the first time in my life I would openly call myself any of those things.  I have long lived in this shell scared that if I said I was fat people would look down on me (even if they could see it on their own).  I don't want to be in that shell.  I am FINALLY able to look at myself and say...Jackie, you're pretty and awesome BUT you can lose some pounds and get more healthy.  

I don't put pressures on myself to become thin or to get thin quickly...it's not my reality.  But I am working on being the healthiest, best Jackie I can be.  And, truthfully, I am probably one of the healthiest chubby chicks you'll ever meet.  I am a hardcore vegetarian and have been for years and years.  I exercise (at times), take vitamins, and recently began this journey of really learning about nutrition.  Is it a struggle?  Sure.  But that's why I am reaching out to other people for the love and support and maybe even to inspire another person, fat or thin, to get more healthy themselves.

While losing weight may be part of this journey, my real goal is to get healthy for myself, my friends and family, and my upcoming life together with my fiance, Colin.  My family and fiance and even some friends have jumped on board as well so that we can travel this together, whether it be to lose weight, exercise, drink more water, watch the nutrients you consume, etc.

In closing, I don't want to segregate thins from not thins and so on...I want people to be comfortable in their own skin (a lesson that took me far too long).  I want people to learn that being bigger doesn't equal being less.  I also need to stomp out the thoughts that thin equals beauty.  I never mean to negate all of the great things that make up who I am and no one should do that to anyone else either.

Thin, chubby, waif-like, fat, skinny, voluptuous, skin-and-bones...they are all just words and not one is less than another or better for that matter.  Acceptance comes from within as does true awe-inspiring beauty.

The Unexpected Life Changes of a Recently Poor Girl with an Always Rich Life

My name is Jacquelyn Raudabaugh.  I grew up as an all A student who had to have THE BEST projects in class...every project...always.  I was in every high school club, from being Yearbook Editor-in-Chief to an Officer in the National Honor Society.  In high school, I dated the same guy for two years that everyone assumed I would marry.  And we were DEFINITELY going to live right next door to my best friend and her boyfriend as well. I was sporty without being stuck-up and I had a lot of friends without being too cliquey.  I was setup to have the perfect life...really, honestly, truly.

I spent my years in college and beyond working in coffee shops, similar to aspiring actors in Los Angeles waiting for their big breaks.  But I loved it...every second...until I quit...12 years later (this past September).  I have two college degrees.  Some people may say, two degrees and you worked at a coffee shop?  And my answer is yes.  I could have been a doctor but I don't like blood.  I could have been a lawyer but I am a really horrible liar.  I could have been a computer analyzer but working behind a desk would bore me to tears.  I happily got up at 3am for nearly eight years and drove to work when most my friends were just going to bed because I LOVED being the first face people saw in the morning.  So now you are probably asking why I would leave something I loved so much...I turned thirty and everything seemed to change.

Fast forward to today...
So here I am...30-years-old, recently engaged (no, not to the guy from high school), jobless (but trying to start my own business), homeless (in sorts, but have a lovely mother and father who are letting me temporarily live in their home), and all in all starting over in more ways than one.  I am working on starting a business, doing odd jobs here and there, planning a wedding, and, more recently, losing weight...all while being super financially in-the-hole.  It's a crazy whirlwind, but I like a good challenge.

If nothing else, I started this blog get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper...er, computer screen.  I will write about jewelry I make, work I get into, wedding planning snafus, and of course losing the pudge (cute names make me feel less horrible about being fat).  If I get even one reader that would be amazing...two would be even more sweet..three, anyone?!

Rich Life, Poor Chick...remember it, live it, love it!